"Arabian Nights"
Part 78
by Beryll
The steam from the coffee cup was rising up slowly, gently, forming intricate patterns in the light of the midday sun that was filtering in through the gauze curtains from the central yard. It was too hot out there now. Too hot to continue the Prince‘s audiences. Too hot really to do anything but relax for a few hours. Even on a busy day like the Caliph's birthday life seemed to stop.
It still felt alien to Sean to have a break like that in the middle of the day. Viggo seemed to enjoy it thoroughly, relaxing in a cool bath under the gentle ministrations of Jared. Sean had withdrawn to his own room to read some reports over a cup of coffee.
If there was one thing he had come to like about this strange country if was the string black brew. It never failed to bring his mind - sluggish with the heat - back to it's usual sharpness.
But that sharpness was less welcome than usual today. For it brought to his attention that a few things in his life were not as ordered and simple as he would have liked them to be.
Why had Lij snapped at Eric like that?
At the time of the boy's outburst it had seemed completely erratically to Sean. A stern reminder of authority had come as a natural response. But whatever troubled the boy seemed to run much deeper as he had run off and Sean could have sworn he had seen tears in his eyes.
His instinct had been to follow Lij but Viggo's reasoning and duty had held him back. Maybe Lij did need to work this out on his own. Even though the urge to protect him was overwhelming in Sean there also was the fact that the boy couldn't stay a boy forever. He had to grow up eventually; Sean would have to allow him to develop a strength of his own. No matter how much it meant to him to have Lij cuddled against him, seeking protection, it was not fair to Lij. He had the right to be more than a mere kitten. As long as Sean indulged his every whim he could never become that.
It had been hard to let Viggo grow up but Sean had managed. He would manage with Lij as well.
Maybe Lij would then also realize that Sean was really a little old for him. That there was younger, livelier, more interesting company to be had. But Sean would cope with that as well. Seeing Lij happy would be enough.
After all there also was Eric.
With a tired sigh Sean rubbed his face.
Eric who was watching him with deep worry and brotherly calm, waiting patiently for Sean to reveal what was wrong. Eric who was pained to the core by the fact that his lover would not bear his touch and didn't offer any kind of explanation when he drew back. Who would not even meet Eric's eye. Generous, gentle Eric, who did not push, who never demanded anything and offered his shoulder to lean on unconditionally.
Still Sean couldn't get those words over his lips. In his head he knew that Eric would only feel rage for those who had used Sean. But in his heart was nothing but fear. The fear of disgust in Eric's eyes, of Eric turning away. Of forced friendship slowly fading away to cool nothing. The fear of losing what little of his relationship with Eric still remained.
And there had been a true relationship between them. Even if neither of them had ever acknowledged it in words it had been as strong as the rocky foundation of the castle Sean had grown up in. No matter how many month had passed without them seeing each other, one look, one nod and they had again been closer than any brothers could be.
So many cold nights shared on narrow cots or furs close to a campfire could never be forgotten. So many silent vigils, guarding what was dear to both of them. So many battled fought back to back, blood and tears shared.
They had been swordbrothers and lovers.
Had been.
Sean just couldn't say what they were now.
So much had happened. So much had gone wrong.
He wondered if Eric had talked to Viggo. If he had asked. Probably he hadn't. And if he had, Viggo would have told him it was not his place to tell. Maybe it would have been better if Viggo hadn't been such a terribly honourable man, if he would just tell Eric and lift the burden of decision making from Sean's shoulders.
But that would never happen.
With a soft sigh Sean stared into the steam still rising from his coffee cup. Had life been this difficult before he had come to this alien place?
In the steam another face seemed to form and to look back at Sean with eyes full of sorrow and pain.
Damn.
Maybe he should have joined Viggo in his cool bath instead of allowing his mind to wander. Deep in his heart Sean knew that it had been the right decision to let Orli go after Karl. He had watched Karl suffer. He had watched how his eyes grew more haunted every passing day, how the self-confident Captain had started to slip. It had been small mistakes, nothing anybody would notice who wasn't watching Karl with such angry alertness as Sean. He had wanted to see Karl break, had wanted that fatal flaw that would give Sean an excuse to remove Karl from the palace. To remove him from reach of the kittens - and from his life.
It just didn't make sense to Sean. Why had Karl done it? Why had he even insisted on being right after the deed? Why had he never even tried to apologize when he was so obviously suffering from the bad conscience any man should have?
There had been times when Sean had felt so sorry for him he had been ready to just take Karl in his arms and tell him everything would be all right. It was Sean's nature to do so. But then he had remembered Jared crying, Jared bleeding and he had reminded himself that Karl deserved it. And he had remembered how much he had trusted Karl and how much he had been betrayed. He had never thought Karl was capable of raping anyone. He had been wrong. He could not afford to trust Karl again. There was too much he himself had to lose.
And that really was the heart of the reason why Sean felt so bad. Because he could not tell if it really was about Jared or if it was about himself. Did Karl deserve to suffer because Sean was still so very afraid?
What a tangled mess. The longer Sean thought the less his own thoughts made sense to him. Eric would have been able to put all this straight with a few clear words. But Eric didn't know and couldn't know.
It didn't matter now. Orli would put an end to all these uncertainties with his innocent brutality. He would not rest until matters where resolved one way or another.
"Sean?"
Viggo's soft question interrupted his musings and Sean carefully rearranged his features to confident attentiveness before he looked up at his lord. Viggo's brow was creased in worry. He wore only a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair was still damp from the bath but drying quickly in a tangled mob.
"Yes, my Lord?"
"Do you think it was right to let Orli go after him? He's been gone an awfully long time..."
So Viggo was not able to relax either with his favourite kitten on his humanitarian expedition.
"No matter what Karl has done to Jared, I don't think he would ever hurt Orli." Sean reassured Viggo gently. And this he actually believed.
With a soft sigh Viggo settled next to Sean and started nibbling on a piece of iced fruit that never failed to appear with Sean's coffee even though he never ate them. He looked so much like the boy Sean remembered that he couldn't help smiling fondly. Lost in his brooding Viggo didn't even notice.
"Why would he do such a thing? I just don't understand it." Viggo voiced the question Sean had asked himself. And Sean still only had one answer.
"I don't know."
"Is Orli right? Should we have tried to find out?" Viggo looked at Sean with a boyish insecurity that made Sean's heart jump. "I still feel like cutting his heart out."
Sean suppressed a tired sigh. Some things were just a lot simpler to Viggo obviously.
"He did not give us any reason to try and find out." Sean answered Viggo's question calmly even though he knew there had been plenty of reason for him if not for Viggo.
"I just hope Orli's all right."
With a smile Sean realized that all Viggo was really asking for was enough reassurance so he could stop worrying about Orli. As if anybody could have given him that. Viggo was hopelessly hooked on the kitten.
"He will be all right. Orli can take care of himself." Sean dutifully said.
Viggo nodded, looking anything but convinced.
Both remained silent for a while, Sean sipping his coffee, Viggo slowly devouring the fruit, both waiting for Orli to return.
At least the comfortable silence between the two of them had returned, Sean mused. He couldn't have said how or when it had happened but his anxiety had just slipped away and the easy friendship they had always shared had grown back. What Sean had feared to be an unbridgeable gulf between them had faded away like a wound healing until only a faint scar remained. It was reassuring, it was giving Sean hope for his relationship with Eric. But it would not happened as long as secrets remained between them. That was always what it came back to: he would have to tell Eric eventually.
Viggo was pushing the last piece of fruit back and forth on the plate like a bored boy. No wonder really that he and Orli fit together so well. There was a part in Viggo that would probably never grow up.
But then they both heard the heavy footsteps of booted feet in the yard and were alert instantly. Then Orli called out: "My Lord? Viggo?" So Orli had brought Karl with him? Sean knew he shouldn't be surprised but still he wasn't quite prepared to face Karl now. And Viggo wasn't either, considering that he was still only wearing a towel. But maybe that was for the best, it would slow Viggo down in killing Karl outright.
"In here, kitten!" Viggo called.
A moment later Orli stepped through the curtain separating Sean's room from the yard, followed much more slowly and reluctantly by Karl, who just glanced first at Viggo, then at Sean and then intently studied his own boots. He looked even more haunted and dishevelled Sean remembered. The strong and self-confident man who had helped Sean recover was fading - no - had almost faded away completely. It should have satisfied Sean but it didn't. It hurt.
"Karl need to tell you some things." Orli said, for once sounding very serious and not happy at all, "Important things, things you really, really need to know. Please listen to him!"
Sean could feel Viggo bristling at Karl's presence. He didn't even need to look at Viggo to know that he was ready to just get up and inflict a good amount of pain on Karl. But Orli was right. This had to end, this stupid game was waiting and silence. Sean wanted answers and he would get at least a few of them now.
So he planted a calming hand on Viggo's shoulder. He was a little surprised when he felt Viggo take a deep breath and settle again. He hadn't really hoped he would have such influence on Viggo but it definitely was reassuring.
Still slow anger was rumbling in Viggo's voice when he spoke. "I will listen. Please leave us Orli."
Now it was the kitten's turn to bristle at this command. "But..." he started to complain.
"Please Orli," Karl said his voice firm and shaky at the same time, "I will by all right."
"But I promised I would stand with you..." Orli tried again. He tried his pleading look on Viggo, which normally never failed but this time he only met stony silence. With a small angry sound he turned on his heel and left.
Before Viggo had a chance to say anything else Karl dropped to his knees before him, his head still lowered. Not like a like a soldier or even a servant. He was presenting himself for judgement, Sean realized. And suddenly he found himself wishing Viggo would show mercy.
"So?" Viggo asked without much patience.
"I..." For a moment Karl was struggling to find words, "I have come to do what I should have done right away. I have hurt your kitten... raped him... there is no way to apologize for such a deed, no way to say I am sorry and still it is all I have to offer. Whatever punishment you deem appropriate I will accept without complaint. If you wish for me to leave the Caliph's service and Aqaba forever I will. But before I go I must explain why it happened. The afternoon the kitten came to my quarters I had just come back from the slave market. You may remember that you send me there to find out who sold your friend to maybe discover a clue on who..." here Karl stopped and swallowed visibly.
Sean felt his heart constrict at at he was about to hear. The man who had nearly destroyed him. So Viggo had been after him without telling Sean. Again Sean knew he shouldn't be surprised and still he was.
"... I found his name..." Karl continued, unable to say out loud what had happened to Sean. Not with just having confessed the same crime. "It was a name well known to me. A slave trader renowned for his cruelty and his ability to break slaves. My father."
"WHAT?!" Viggo interrupted him before Sean had a chance to do the same.
Karl's father? Karl's father had been the one who...? Darkness fell like a heavy blanket over Sean's mind, memories that he had locked away threatening to swallow him up. Hands holding him down, cruel laughter, pain... and always that spiteful voice whispering in his ear. Suddenly it all was real again, close, like a wound barely healed ripping open again.
Karl's voice seemed to come from far away but still it rang a cord in Sean, so strong was the pain in it, so close to his own pain. "I ran away from my father when I was quite young. His trade was... I could not bear it. He did things to those I loved... he made me do things... it does not matter now... When I found out it was him I didn't know what to do, how could I tell you and still expect you to have any respect for me? I was out of my mind and when I found that kitten I... I just lost it... it was like my father was shouting in my ear again, telling me how to... to break... It is no excuse. Nothing can be an excuse for what I have done."
"So then why are you telling us this now?" Viggo asked. His voice was still cold but Sean could hear the tremble in it.
And Sean felt his own heart tremble. He could almost feel Karl's despair. That man had come so close to breaking Sean, what must it have been like for Karl, being only a boy, trying to stand up to his own father? His pain, Sean's pain, they lay side by side and Sean felt his hatred melt away. Maybe it was no excuse in Karl's eyes but it certainly was in Sean's. It's was the explanation he had longed for, a reason to forgive Karl.
"Because he is here. Here in the palace. I just saw him, he is one of the dignitaries presenting presents to the Caliph. I don't know why or how but he is here. And I don't care one bit what happens to me as long as HE is punished!" Now finally Karl looked up at Prince Viggo, his amber eyes blazing with a hatred to match Sean's.
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to: Beryll
go to PART 79